Broken Pieces Have you ever reached rock bottom? Where it feels like there’s no hope. You have been deserted and left alone. And there is no where to go? We did. Jay and I… When we were in Metro Davao … Continue reading
God is alive and His power is Real
I am realizing that the reason why I was solemn and down for weeks when I was Face to Face with Depression is because all the things that I learned and experienced before is not working right now. You see I grew up in a Christian home. My parents raised me in a Pentecostal environment. Healing and miracles were a part of my daily life.
- We just repent and receive healing when we’re sick and we wake up all healed.
- We pray for new clothes every school recognition day and God always provide.
- We would pray for provision for any type of need and He always there without fail.
I lived a compromised (in short sinful) life during my high school and college days but when I finally surrendered my whole life to God when I was 23 years old, there was no turning back. I pursued healing and I have seen almost all types of healing and miracles under the sun. May it be through me or through other His Mission family members.
- I led at least 4 missions trips with massive signs and wonders.
- Blinds see.
- Deaf hear.
- Dead were raised.
- Demons were cast out.
- Dark clouds would obey and go so we can continue with our crusade.
- The sick were healed.
- The lost were found.
- The prodigals came back.
- Provision came.
- There was even a season when we would literally chase the demon-possessed so they can be freed in Jesus name.
For the past 35 years of life, I seen and can prove that the Bible is alive and nothing is impossible through the Blood of the Lamb. I have personally witness His reality. I studied and stay in Germany for 7 months without spending any from my own pocket. I personally heard His audible voice. He gave us twins even if we don’t have any genetic history. Every season of my life, He has proven His power.
Until my Husband got sick…
Where are You Lord?
I thought I had it all figured out.
That I just need to pray and fast. That I just need to confess. That I just need to believe. That I just need to declare. I just need to speak forth His word. I just need to be grateful and testify…
These are all proven methods. Even the Generals do this. I have studied their lives. I have watched their videos, listened to their podcasts and wrote all healing and miracle scripture verses.
But nothing happened…
Yes we would have breakthrough here and there but the main issue is still there. One day, it’s all good then all of a sudden, it’ll crash. We have been in this for 4 months now. We are so desperate of His move, but it seems like He’s far.
He did not completely left us because His provision through other people is there. But how about the healing we’ve seen before? Where is the miracle that we daringly need? We have seen it all before, where it is now?
There are even times when we feel like we’re in our little tribulation moments. That His grace is lifted. That we feel alone. That we feel like He’s not there despite our frantic cries. That we are left with our choice to still believe despite the lost of emotions and what’s tangible.
I guess real faith is not really based on anything in your experience, learning nor feelings but solely holding on to His words believing that He is always good no matter what.
Life through Death
A seed needs to completely die before it can live a new. I am understanding that God is taking us deeper. He is revealing Himself a new. We may have been blind-folded with the past experiences that we put Him in a box. He needs to break the old wineskin so He can pour out new oil.
I have no doubt that my husband will live. Untimely death is just against His nature and heart. We still believe in healing and miracle. We still believe in this God that we serve. We still believe in Jesus!
But the how and when is something we don’t have any idea. God is taking us in this new wave of obedience, That we believe no matter what the situation is.
Because He is never an “I was” or an “I will”. He is the “I am” (present tense). Everyday is an adventure where He leads and we obey in love.
Excited what this adventure unfold…
Depression is a real demon. It comes cunningly and swift in times misery. It is a dangerous evil spirit that can overtake when one is not careful. Sharing this simple face to face experience with this devil to expose its works and show those under it how to be free in Jesus name.
I got a little depressed
Many of you know that our family is going through challenging times right now. In a previous blog, I shared with you the emotions I have to undergo as a wife whose Husband is battling sickness.
It has been 4 months since this has all started. And somehow in someway, the weight of this all took a toll on me…
Maybe it started with our main Nephrologist said that our only option now is just a kidney transplant. Maybe it came in when I had sleepless nights watching Jay endure a week of fever, weakness, chills, edema and shortness of breathing… I don’t know when it all came to place but I was face to face with depression. I was on the brink of giving in and allowing it to take me to the river of bitterness and disgust.
- I was always crying.
- I did not want to call for help.
- I got tired of asking people’s support: praying, provision.
- I did not want to eat.
- I did not want to see anyone.
- I just wanted to be alone.
- I did not care what people think.
- I did not feel like praying nor believing anymore.
It was both awful and tragic to be in. The good thing about it was that I was aware as it was all happening. I was in control. I did not let it in. Thus, before it can overtake me, I opened myself to people for accountability.
Depression’s Entry Points
Depression is real and many people go through this everyday. It comes in everyone’s door when one is not careful. Thus it is important that one will not allow oneself to be under stress, unrest and unstable foundations with God. In my case, I was under so much:
- Stress – because this has been going on for 4 months and it seems like we’re at the end of the line.
- Unrest – because we need a lot of money for Jay’s medications, dialysis and other family expenses every week. I had to work double time while managing the home, kids, schedules, etc.
- Unstable foundations with God – because what worked in my walk with God where I was seeing a lot of healing and miracles is not happening right now. I have to reestablish new foundations with the Lord.
How to Beat Depression
Freedom from depression is at hand. The power of God is available to anyone who calls on His name. But the person who’s experiencing it needs to make a decision that he or she doesn’t want it in his/her life.
Here are the steps I took:
- Cry it out – Don’t be hypocrite and religious in the eyes of God. Be real. Cry our your frustrations, questions, doubts but always make it a point to still TRUST Him no matter what. David Himself would tell God in his Psalms (Psalm 7; Psalm 27; Psalm 31; Psalm 34; Psalm 52), “Don’t turn Your ear away from me, O God… Don’t hide Your face when I’m distressed.” Cry your heart it. He listens, He understands…
- Eat and sleep – Yes as simple as that. Since your heart is mostly close for counsel during these times, just rest. Eat your favorite food (don’t pig out). Sleep… A lot. A rejuvenated body is a good cure for the wounded soul.Elijah did the same when he was in a lot of frustrations and fear. All his powerful experiences with God were all forgotten. He was so focused on his situation that he just hid himself under a broom tree. He was amiss.And in that time, the Lord did not condemn him. He send His angels instead to tend on Elijah. All Elijah did was eat “chiffon cakes” and snore his stress away.
- Decide to get help – Even if you don’t feel like it, you need it. Trust me… The moment I opened up to people, the more I started to process what I was going through and it helped me resolve the deeper issues in my heart. It made me become ready to receive from God again.
I appreciate the people who went out of their way in helping me press through.
Thank you to my Husband for His thoughts of me. Buying me the food that I like. Taking me to a massage. Spending time with me. It helped me a lot.
Thank you Ate Esther Revote for checking on us via text. I cried the whole time that afternoon. It meant a lot Te. Thanks for always giving your life to people no matter what circumstances you’re in. Love you Te.
Thank you to our dear Homegroup for the surprise serenade with food, balloons and flowers. For praying, listening and loving us this much. Thank you for being our family who lifts us up when we’re tired and weary. We love you all so much.
Depression is a real devil. But it is nothing in the light of God love through the embrace of His people.
Be there for someone today! It matters.
When Healing is “Not There”
For the past 2 weeks our family has been through tremendous storm. The twins and I got sick. Jay was rear-ended. We were challenged financially, physically and spiritually.
It was a hard battle. For “faith people” like Jay and I, it was easy to hold on the first week. We were constantly praying for healing and breakthrough. We had faith. We press through. Despite no one knowing about our fight, we looked to Jesus and held our breath.
But breakthrough did not come. And it was VERY challenging. In the past we have seen Jesus heal, cast out demons, change lives, provide and come down in power. So to pray and not see a tip of any miracle was exhausting.
Then it got worse…
On week 2, Tice did not just have fever but his nose also started bleeding. Sovi got ear infection needed to be attended by a physician. My strength wasn’t restored. We had extended expenses with the car window broken and some taxes for Jay’s new music gears from the US.
So we trusted and just held our breath even longer… It was irritating. It was uncomfortable. It was difficult. But in the midst of all that, we held on to that truth inside. He is faithful. He is Love.
Because when times come like God is absent, it doesn’t define who He is. I can remember S.J. Hill in his book “Enjoying God” describing this season as the “Dark Nights of the Soul”. These are the times when God stays distant because He desires that we pursue Him on our own. That we long for Him even if the boost of faith and fireworks of miracles are not there.
Thus when healing seems to be “not there” and other challenges in life slams you down, rejoice! Because there are the times when you are given the chance to love on Him on your own. This is your opportunity to prove to Him that He is worth it, that He is your all in all… that you love Him not when things are good and steady, but even in the midst of pressures. This is what real love is all about.
Trials are also the times for growth. When we embrace pain, our faith muscle grow. Our strength is renewed to take new flights and new heights.
Bottom line of the matter is: our ups and downs in life don’t define God. It defines what’s in our heart. And our responses will always promote us when we choose humility and trust.
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