Have you ever reached rock bottom? Where it feels like there’s no hope. You have been deserted and left alone. And there is no where to go?
We did. Jay and I… When we were in Metro Davao Medical and Research Center (MDMRC Hospital) admitted for his blood pressure, severe stomach pains and weakness.
We were strong when we faced Chronic Kidney Disease. Despite the lack of hope, finances, and time, we are looking at it in the eye and declaring God’s lordship. We still do. And we are seeing breakthroughs more and more.
But we did not handle the stomach pains and the uncertainties it brought with properly. We coward off. We complained and questioned God. We felt alone and deserted. The people whom we expected to carry the weight with us were not around. Our savings were all spent again. And we felt trapped and clueless with where were at.
You see it was easy when we faced circumstance without the infliction on pain. I personally did not mind the sleepless nights, pressure, tormenting Doctors’ vindication, “wasting” money, and all the affliction that came with this disease, I remained strong and steadfast.
However, when I saw my Husband in constant severe and reoccurring pain, broke me to pieces. I pleaded with God day and night to take the pain away even for moments so he can rest but it seemed like He wasn’t hearing me. I shamelessly processed fees, ran to pharmacies, billing windows, and food places to attend to his needs with heavy heart and tired spirit. But it wasn’t even beyond compare to watching him suffer without relief. For hours… with no help available. Not even from up above.
We were shattered to pieces. Crying out our offended hearts in that cold and dark room. Alone. Empty. Faithless.
Pain continued on and off. So as our offense. For about 3 days…
We didn’t backslide nor became atheist. We were in a zone of “I know You are God but it’s so painful right now, I just really hope You come and rescue us…”
Those who did not experience severe suffering may never relate to this situation. And there is little or zero suffering amongst Christians today because most do not embrace the true and authentic life of real Christianity. There is compromise. Many are still living in sin. Yes even those in the pulpit and ministering. They are who Prophet Isaiah was talking about when he said, ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” They have the face of Christianity but they hearts are not fully surrendered to His Lordship. So why would the enemy attack lives like these if they are not in anyway threat to its existence?
I wondered before… why are many Christians who seriously lived for the gospel become martyrs. They were persecuted. They suffered in pain. Now I understand that the enemy will never attack until you are a serious threat to him. What the devil don’t understand however, is that Christ’s followers are just like their Master… Their blood are seeds for the Kingdom. Their selfless sacrifices highlight His love. And millions more get save after one martyr endure pain to the point of death.
Breaking to Anointing
The Lord never intends that we suffer. It is His will that we live life to the fullest. But we live in a fallen world where the enemy is as real as the person next to us. We are not just aware of the fight oftentimes because we have been entertained by its worldly lullabies. Nonetheless, those who go deeper enter battlefields. Where they learn to fight in His name. And put their faith in His victory through His blood.
This is what we learned in the moment of our breaking. That it was never His intention to hurt us. But it was needed so we can rely in His strength. Because real victories are not won by man’s abilities, but by His finished work at the cross.
We sometimes need to be broken so He can build us again. Built in His power and might.
Will we worship God only when everything is ok? Or we’re willing to welcome suffering brought about by demonic persecutions so when live in His victory, we can minister more to others in the anointing? Do we love life so much that we can’t even surrender our compromises and live a disciplined life worthy of the calling? Or we’re open to say yes to His call even if means being challenged in our faith?
If our answers is we love Him enough more than our own, then we must be willing to trust His love even in times when we don’t understand. Cause He’s always working in the background. He is for us and is not against us. And He is King no matter what the circumstances are.