I first learned about dysfunctional family few years back in Discipleship Training Center (DTC) when Eric Miller (one of the teachers there, a spiritual father to us) taught about Family and Relationships. Not sure if the class had this title, if not it was something close to this. It opened my eyes and I prayed that God will give me a great family on my own just like what I enjoyed (or more) growing up.
Wikipedia states that “a dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and (sometimes) child neglect and/or abuse by the parents happening continually and regularly. Children grow up in these families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal.”*
The abuse doesn’t necessarily mean physical or sexual. Most of the time, it is verbal and emotional… In short, if there is something not normal (according to God’s norm) inside the family, it is dysfunctional.
A godly family
But what does a normal godly family looks like? In my opinion it should be a family according to the Bible.
A father should be compassionate to his children (Psalm 103:13). He should guide them in their lives (Duet. 1:31). A provider (Luke 11:11-13), encourager (Col. 3:22), one who disciplines (Prov. 13:24), etc. The man should also be a loving husband to his wife (Eph. 5:25).
On the other hand, the woman should be modest, respectable and godly (1 Tim. 2:9-10), loving to her husband and children (Col. 3:18-24), prudent (Prov. 18:22), honors her husband (Eph. 5:22-24), etc.
And children should over their parents in the Lord (Eph. 6:1)…
In short, a godly family means a home with love, honor, respect and God in the center.
These are just some guidelines we can see in the Bible. There hundreds more. Of course, the Holy Spirit is there to guide us in ALL TRUTH enabling us to function and live a life like Jesus when we’re intimate with Him.
There is however a challenge in the Christian homes today. It is the god of this age who is doing all he can to make every family dysfunctional. He is using the internet, social media, television, entertainment, money, work and even sometimes ministry. These things are good. But if not controlled, they take over our time. They take our focus from the will of heaven in our lives. Before we know it, we’re at home but we’re not really there. We go on with our day without really spending quality time with our husband/wife and kids. Love grows cold. Kids grow up without us enjoying the significant moments of each milestone. And we become dysfunctional right under our Christian noses.
It’s a threat we all should be careful about. So let’s not open our doors for this demon. Let’s not give the devil a foothold. Because we can be together as a family and still be dysfunctional.
Do a test…
- Are you still inlove with your spouse? (Or you get irritated easily)
- Do you cherish and enjoy time with your kids? (Or shout at them often)
- Do you spend more time with the god of this age through internet, social media, television, entertainment, money, work and even sometimes ministry more than spending time with God and your family?
If the honest answer to these 3 are yes, change now.
- Pray, seek intimacy with God
- Spend quality time with you spouse and kids
- Enjoy moments together